Mixed Feelings
by padfoot.028
Summary: "You know something, Evans? You're alright." Lily just couldn't help but smile. "You know something, Black? You're alright too."  What happens when everyone starts falling, for people they're not supposed to fall for? Read on to find out. LE/SB/JP
1. Hidden Love

**Mixed Feelings.**

**A/N: Hey everyone! :) ****My name is Melissa, just thought I would give you some background knowledge on the story, and some things I would like to remind you.**

**First, the story.**

**So this story is about the mixed feelings everyone experiences as they find themselves falling for people they're either not supposed to fall for, or never thought they would. Featuring relationships between Lily/Sirius, James/OC, Sirius/OC, and Lily/James, and there will be more relationships in the background. **

**Now, some things I would like to remind you:**

**-Feel free to visit my profile for the progress on my stories**

**-Please take the poll if there is one**

**-PLEASE REVIEW! I was actually really sad, last time I checked my other story on here, I had gotten 852 reads, and that's all well and good, but I only got 3 reviews! Reviews are really encouraging, so please write SOMETHING! It can even just be a one-liner. Just say hi! I don't mind! But I'd really appreciate it, thanks. :)**

**-If I have any news, I will notify you on here and on my profile.**

**-And most importantly, please enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: Someday I dream to have part ownership of the Harry Potter series, but sadly, that day has not come yet. Anything you recognise does not belong to me. *Tear***

**Chapter 1****– Hidden Love**

Lily Evans walked down the girls' stairs to the Gryffindor common room only to be greeted by a mess of black hair, James Potter.

"Hey Lily!" He exclaimed at the sight of her.

"Hi James, what's up?" Lily asked narrowing her eyes slightly, wary of what the answer may be. See, over the summer and the past month or so, James had been making an effort not to annoy her, and it was working. They now got a long perfectly fine, but Lily was still cautious around James. They were friends now, but not good ones.

"Actually, I'm looking for your sister, Emily. Have you seen her? I want to ask her something." James replied, looking up the staircase as if Lily's fraternal twin sister would appear at the top at any second. Lily frowned slightly, what was he getting at? Lily quickly thought back to when she had last seen her sister, in the dorm. Where had she said she was going? Oh yeah, now she remembered, the Quidditch Pitch, where else?

"Yeah, she said she was going to go down to the Quidditch pitch to practice, left about half an hour ago." Lily supplied, before walking past James to reach the portrait hole.

"Thanks Lily!" James exclaimed before racing around her and running out of the portrait hole, slightly stumbling as he crouched down to get through. Lily shook her head, smiling slightly. James had done a lot of growing up, and she welcomed it, but there was always a childish, energetic and immature boy underneath his new personality. It was slightly amusing now to watch, now that they were friends and he had stopped asking her out every day, not to mention embarrassing her usually in front of the entire school. Lily herself climbed out of the portrait hole, making her way down the first staircase of many, on her way to the Great Hall for lunch. She heard some footsteps behind her, and looked back to see the other Marauders, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew.

"Hi Evans! Fancy a quick smooch? I'm running a little low, and I could use a pick-me-up. Especially when it would be with a smoking hot girl, no scratch that, woman, like you." Sirius Black corrected himself and winked at her before running down the stairs to catch up with her, putting his arm around her shoulders when he did.

Lily smiled, she and the other Marauders had become quite friendly recently too, and she didn't mind Sirius' antics anymore, they were all in good fun after all.

"No thanks, Sirius, I'd rather snog a quaffle," Lily replied, smirking as she watched Sirius' smile falter, and then she watched warily as it then turned into a mischievous one, "Hey what are you doing?" Lily exclaimed as Sirius picked her up and started running down a hallway.

"What do you think? I'm taking you to the Quidditch pitch, so that you can snog a quaffle." Sirius replied, still running. Lily just laughed and hung on tight. After a few turns and a few staircases, they made it out onto the grounds, where Sirius put her down, grabbed her arm, and started running again towards the quidditch pitch, pulling Lily along behind. Honestly, where did that boy get all his energy from? Oh, don't answer that Lily thought, thinking back to mealtimes and the disgusting thing that was Sirius Black. Lily laughed again as Sirius pulled her into the Quidditch Stadium, onto the pitch itself. But Lily stopped laughing abruptly, as she saw something in the air that made her stomach go all funny. She saw two people on broomsticks kissing. And those two people were none other than James Harold Potter, and her twin sister, Emily Louise Evans.

"What's wrong?" Sirius asked, scrunching up his eyes in concern, before turning around to follow her gaze, "Oh. That is something to be shocked by." Sirius observed for another few seconds before he said, "Come on Lily, let's go get some lunch," and guided her by the small of her back up into the castle again. "You know, you don't have to make out with a quaffle, for now, I'll let it slide." Sirius chuckled, trying to get Lily's mind elsewhere.

It must have worked, because Lily laughed and said, "Oh how gracious of you! I am forever in your debt," before curtseying to Sirius.

Sirius laughed himself, and they walked all the way back up to the castle in a comfortable silence, Sirius' hand never leaving Lily's back.

"Here you go, milady." Sirius bowed, before opening the door to the Great Hall for her. Lily just looked back at him and grinned in return. You know, he was kind of funny. Strange, Lily mused. She definitely hadn't seen his humour in that way much before, it still took some getting used to. Sirius caught up easily with his long strides, and quickly guided her over to the Gryffindor table, and over to Remus and Peter, the other two marauders. Dinner went well, as Sirius, Remus, and Peter were successful in keeping Lily distracted from the fact that Emily and James had never come into the Great Hall and ate dinner with their humour, and Lily trudged happily back up the stairs to the Gryffindor tower afterwards, feeling bloated after the good meal. Lily, Sirius, Remus and Peter all climbed through the portrait hole and were greeted by the cosy common room and the warmth coming from the fire. Lily yawned; it had been a long day, before saying good night to the boys and crossing the common room as the three marauders sat by the fire and set up a chess board. Lily slowly dragged her feet up the steps, slowly making her way up to the seventh year girls' dormitory. She was so exhausted for some odd reason, and she decided she was going to turn in and have an early night for once. Usually Lily would be up at all sorts of hours, studying and doing homework in the Gryffindor common room by the fire. This was her NEWT year after all. Then again, it was only October. Lily reached the top of the staircase and turned towards the Seventh Year Dormitories. _Finally._ Lily opened the door and stumbled into the dormitory, not quite looking where she was going. She stopped short as she looked up though, discovering she wasn't alone in the room. Lily met the eyes of her sister, a million questions running through her mind. She had gotten that feeling in her stomach again upon the sight of her twin, and was even more confused by it than before.

Lily felt her lips moving before her brain had registered what she was going to say. "Why?" Lily heard her questioning voice fill the otherwise silent room.

"Hi Lily, I'm really sorry I missed you at dinner, there's something I need to tell you, but judging by that look on your face and what you just said, it seems you already know. I guess I should expl-" Emily got cut off as Lily spoke.

"We're best friends and sisters, and you didn't tell me anything was going on between you and James." Lily said coldly, looking defiantly at her sister, daring Emily to contradict her with her eyes.

"I know, I'm sorry, but with all of your past history, I didn't want to say anything, I thought it would be better if I didn't tell you how I felt about him. You're friendly now, but not good friends, hardly even friends at all, I reckon. It's just he's so sweet, Lils, and so nice to me. He treats me well, and he makes me laugh. He makes me happy, Lily. And I didn't know how to tell you that, but I'm going to Hogsmeade with him tomorrow, and I would love it if you accepted the fact that I am dating James Potter, and I would love it even more if you were happy for me," Emily looked at Lily once more, before she made her way across the room, sidestepped past Lily, and walked out the door. Lily stood there, frozen, not moving, just surprised at her sister's little speech as she thought about what had just happened for a few minutes. With a jolt she realized why she was in the room to begin with, and finished crossing the dormitory to her bed. She collapsed on top of it, too tired to change, and no more than 10 seconds after her head hit that pillow, she was out like a light, too exhausted from the day's events to care that she hadn't taken her shoes off and too stubborn and proud to acknowledge the feeling that she got in her stomach thinking about her sister and James together as she slowly drifted off to sleep.

**A/N: I hope you liked it! I know it's a bit short, I'm sorry, but I published this as a sort of test-run. I have a bit more of the story finished, but wanted to see how much of a response I got, and I also published it as a sort of encouragement to me to keep writing, I've been dying to post some of it! You know what also works for an encouragement? Reviews! If you like the story so far and want to read a bit more, please review so that I know if you're interested! I'll be much quicker at writing/updating that way! **

**Thanks! Melissa :)**


	2. Revelations

**A/N: Hey everyone! **

**So last chapter, 69 people read it, and only 1 person reviewed? **** It made me upset. So thanks, undesirable1 for your review! **** Seriously guys, reviews make my day. Not kidding. To an author they're so inspiring, and even if there's nothing in the review we like, we still love getting reviews because it means someone read something of yours, and it's still feedback. So please, review!**

**Anyhow, disclaimer; I'm not J.K. Rowling, and I do not own anything you recognize from the Harry Potter series. Maybe for my birthday next year? **

_**Chapter 2 - Revelations**_

When Lily finally opened her eyes the next morning, it was 12:27 pm. Her eyes widened in shock at the sight of her clock, she had slept for over 14 hours! Something must be wrong with her! Lily was a huge morning person. She woke up by herself every morning quite early, religiously. She had a routine, and she stuck to it, no matter what. The only time when Lily overslept was when something was bothering her, she was sick, or when she went to sleep later than 3 am.

Deciding not to stress too much about why it was she overslept, Lily got out of her four-poster bed and changed into her cosy and lazy outfit, grey sweats and a t-shirt. She slipped on some shoes and slowly padded her way across the girls' dormitories, running a hand through her hair. She quickly looked into the mirror before she left, deemed she didn't look too hideous, and climbed down the winding staircase to the Gryffindor Common room.

Lily stepped down from the last stair and looked around the common room, seeing many fourth and fifth years who had just gotten out of bed like herself (oh, the sleepy teenager phase), but didn't manage to see any of her friends. Lily shrugged, giving up on looking for her friends, and decided she would go and get something to eat. As Lily walked down to the Great Hall using a few secret passage ways here and there, Lily wondered why the castle was so quiet. It was the weekend, usually students were milling about, meeting with friends, not like this. Never like this. Why was it so empty? As Lily was thinking about possible reasons, Lily remembered that it was a Hogsmeade weekend. Of course, that explained it! Everything soon came rushing back to her though, at the reminder of Hogsmeade and why this visit was so special, and Lily's mind was soon consumed with thoughts of Emily and James.

Lily walked through the doors to the Great Hall, vaguely took note of the weather, which was sunny, and looked outside one of the windows to confirm it. The ceiling was right; it looked like a beautiful day outside. Oh, great, just Lily's luck. Oh, how she wished for some rain, something, anything to match her mood. As she was scheming ways to make the whole castle miserable, Lily sat down and spooned some food onto her plate, her mind quickly focused on James and Emily again. She was so distracted by her thoughts that she didn't even notice when someone slipped onto the bench opposite her at the table, and very nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard someone talk.

"Are you alright there, Lily?" Lily looked up when she heard a voice to see one of her closest friends, Alice, sat in front of her with her brows furrowed together, her 'concerned' look on her face.

"Oh, Alice, hi. Yeah, I'm fine, just thinking," Lily replied, as she rested her head in her palm.

"Are you sure, Lily? I have to go and find Frank now, but if you need anything, let me know," Alice graciously offered before getting up from her spot and galloping off out the Great Hall.

Lily sighed. She didn't know what was wrong; really, her sister was now dating one of the kindest boys Lily had ever met, something she mistook in her younger years here at Hogwarts. Why should she be upset that her sister will be out having fun with James, having him smiling at her like only he can, and – Merlin's beard! This can't be happening! She can't actually, like James Potter! Yet, as soon as the idea crossed her mind, Lily knew it was the truth. She had kept it hidden inside of her for so long, but she knew that she couldn't ignore it any longer now that her twin was currently dating him. Well, doesn't this make things more complicated? Lily frowned. What does she do now? She didn't want to hurt them, break them up, or do anything to their relationship in any way. She wanted them to have a chance, she wanted her sister to have a chance at being happy, and so she couldn't let them know, obviously. She couldn't let anyone know. Lily thought she knew what she had to do. She was going to pretend to be happy. Lily nodded to herself. That was what she was going to do; after all, they would break up at some point, hopefully. She chose to ignore that last little word that was added onto her train of thought. After feeling like she had accomplished something, actually, she felt like she had won a duel, got up from the Gryffindor table and went to the library to do some research.

After spending four hours in the library, flicking through book after book, researching for a Transfiguration essay, Lily slowly made her way back to the Gryffindor tower, preparing herself to hear all about her twin's date with James. There was no point in delaying the inevitable; she was going to have to hear all about it at some point, she might as well get it over with.

Lily took a deep breath as she told the Fat Lady the password to the common room, 'Hippogriff', and snapped at the Fat Lady to just open the portrait for her, as the lady asked if she was alright. Lily shook her head and ignored the Fat Lady's mutterings about 'kids these days' and crouched down to climb through the portrait hole and enter into the Gryffindor common room.

Lily didn't look around as she walked across the cosy room that was filled with happy laughter and conversations about the Hogsmeade trip, as she headed for the stairs on the right that would lead her to the dormitories. Lily stopped as she reached the top of the staircase though, and turned to face the door to the seventh year girls' dormitory, scared of what she might find inside. She could find her sister crying, which meant the date went horribly, or she could find her sister practically jumping for joy, which meant the date went wonderfully. Lily's mood picked up as she thought of another option, that Emily might not be in there, but then Lily realised that if that were true, she would still be out with James having fun, meaning they didn't want the date to end. Lily's mood instantly plummeted again, but Lily, sick of just standing outside the dormitory like she was, speculating and guessing and making herself feel terrible, reached her hand out and twisted the doorknob. She took a deep breath as she pushed open the door, and was right to do so as she was almost instantly attacked by a small and slight person with blonde hair, her sister, Emily.

Emily and Lily actually looked nothing alike, although they were twins. Lily took after her mother, but she had her father's bright, green eyes, while Emily took after her father completely, except for her hazel eyes. Emily was quite tanned; because she had spent the summer with her muggle friends in Spain. She was also quite a bit shorter than Lily, petite all around. Lily was an average size, not too big, not too small, but was quite thin.

Not only did they look nothing alike, their personalities were complete opposites, chalk and cheese, her mum would say. While Lily was cautious of the wizarding world, not completely taking it in and definitely missing the muggle world at times, Emily had thrown herself into the wizarding world completely as soon as they had found out they were witches. Lily would like to do things the muggle way, while Emily used magic for everything she did, but that didn't mean Emily was lazy though, oh no. Emily was the most energetic person you would ever meet, and loved any sport, including Quidditch. She actually currently played Chaser for the Gryffindor quidditch team. Lily, however, barely understood Quidditch, or any sport for that matter, except for football. Emily was frequently bored with any muggle sport now that she had her Quidditch, but Lily was addicted to watching football. That was her limit though, and Lily definitely preferred to spend her time reading, or doing something quiet, homework even. She was a very organized person, while Emily couldn't get any messier. Emily hated doing work, preferring to play games like exploding snap, and left her homework to the night before. Lily didn't think she had gone to the library more than 10 times in the 7 years that they had been at Hogwarts.

Bringing herself back into reality, Lily pushed the blonde off of her, "Calm down, Em. Tell me all about it." Lily made her way over to her bed, dropped her bag on the floor with a loud, _thunk_, and plopped herself down on her bed, lying on her back staring at the ceiling.

"Oh, Lily! I had so much fun! James is so nice, and sweet, and charming, and such a gentleman! He pulled out my chair for me and everything, and carried my shopping, oh he's amazing! I don't see why you never said yes to him before. Oh, wait, never mind, don't respond to that. I don't need another lecture about the 'horrible James Potter'. Lils, he's so funny! But he can be serious at the same time. We have so much in common, and he asked me to go to Hogsmeade with him again in December! He's great, Lils. I'm so happy, I feel like I could fly!" Emily emphasized the point by spreading her arms out and gracefully jumping off her bed.

That was another thing about Emily, she was a great dancer, and took dance lessons for _years_, as well as going to as many dance camps as she could during the summer. "He told me that he cared about me a lot, and you know what Lily? I think I like him a lot too. I'm so excited for the next Hogsmeade weekend! I suppose it's only in 4 weeks, I can wait." Emily gushed, a huge grin on her face.

Even though Lily was upset about James and her sister dating, she couldn't help but grin at the sight of her sister so happy, so childish and so energetic. It's like she had just been eating chocolate for three hours straight.

"That's great, Emily, I'm happy for you," Lily managed to say with a smile on her face, "But if you don't mind, I think I'm going to go to bed now."

"Oh of course, Lils, no problem," Emily replied, nodding and smiling, before getting up and leaving the room. Lily sighed and changed out of her clothes and into her pyjamas, and brushed her teeth. She climbed into her bed, pulled the drawings closed around her, and laid there for hours, tossing and turning, thinking about what could have been if she hadn't said no to James Potter one of those many times he asked her out.

Eventually, after all of the girls had come in and heavy breathing filled the room, Lily managed to drift off herself, her mind once again focused on James Potter.

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed it. Again, please review! Just say hi, seriously, it takes two seconds! I would really appreciate it! If you review, you get virtual ice cream sundaes! **

**As a side note, I should post another chapter up within two weeks. It would be less, but I don't like posting without having two chapters in advance done, and I can't write for another week. So anyway, sorry in advance for the delay, but I'll try and update as soon as I can!**

**Melissa. **


	3. A Clean Slate

**Hey all! Here's the next chapter. Sorry, took a little longer to access it than I thought. And I was so sad, I had such an inspiration to write all the time, but I couldn't! And when I could, I lost it all and my creativity all went down the drain. But, what can we do? **

**Disclaimer: What is this thing for, anyway? To thoroughly depress me and force me to admit to myself that I'm not J.K. Rowling, and I don't own anything that you recognize? Hmm, yeah. Probably. Way to kill my mood. **

**Oh yeah! This past week I've been reading this amazing fanfic. Seriously, one of the best I've seen. Unfortunately, I can't give you the name, I can't remember and my computer died, taking my internet files with it, sorry! But, seriously, it was so amazing. It's the only Harry/Ginny story that's ever been able to keep my attention all the way through. That's saying something. Well, anyway, want to know how old the author was? She revealed it at the end. 11. That's right. Someone that young, with so much talent, already applying it! She's going to go so far in the writing industry, you can just tell. I was blown away. Anyway, onto the story!**

**Here's Chapter 3, A Clean Slate.**

_**Chapter 3**_

Lily opened her eyes as the sunlight fell across them, looking at the clock on her bedside table. 8:14 a.m.! Oh no, oh no! She can't have overslept _again_! It just didn't work like that. Pushing the reason as to why she's up so late to the side, Lily shot out of bed; she had 16 minutes to get to class.

Grumbling about why no one woke her up, Lily grabbed the first clothes she saw, a grey v-neck t-shirt and her navy muggle football sweats with 'EVANS' wrote down the side. She quickly rushed into the bathroom to brush her hair and teeth, and flew back to beside her bed for her bag. Oh, where was that Charms homework she was working on? _Aha_! _There it is_! Lily quickly spotted it sticking out of her general notebook, and picked them both up on her way out of the door.

Rushing down the stairs, and through the common room, she nearly ran into someone on her way out of the common room, Sirius.

"Hey Sirius, sorry, gotta run. I'm going to be late!" Lily yelled over her shoulder as she rushed through the portrait hole, Sirius watching her bemusedly.

Lily practically_ flew _down the stairs and into the Great Hall, sat down at the Gryffindor table and quickly grabbed some cereal. Lily checked her watch, 8:22 a.m. Lily shoved the cereal into her mouth, grabbed a cereal bar and gulped down some juice before she jumped up and ran out of the doors, being one of the last students there.

She had Transfiguration first, and quickly rushed through the many passage ways she had found over the years, eager to get over to the other side of the castle quickly, usually it took her 10 minutes. Oh no! McGonagall was going to kill her! The thought made Lily go faster, panting as she willed herself to go faster, pushing herself to sprint through the corridors and tunnels. Finally after what seemed like 20 minutes, at least, she rounded a corner and found herself at the end of a corridor, opposite the Transfiguration classroom. As she sprinted towards the doors, Lily checked her watch, 8:29:34 a.m., her legs were burning, and her lungs seemed like the size of golf balls, she couldn't get any air. She begged her legs to go quicker, she was almost there! Just as Professor McGonagall was about to close the doors, just as the bell was about to ring, she looked up and saw Lily running at a full sprint for her classroom. She pursed her lips, but held the door open for Lily.

"Miss Evans, do try to be a bit earlier next class, but I suppose you _are _right on time and everyone has their days..." Professor McGonagall trailed off, but allowed herself a small smile towards Lily as they both entered the classroom, Lily panting heavily.

"Yes Professor, sorry about that," Lily gasped out, and headed towards her seat, only to find it was taken, she looked around, only mildly concerned with who she sat with for that class, she just needed to sit down! As it was, the only available seat was beside Sirius. He grinned and waved. She smiled slightly as she slowly walked over; puzzled over the fact that Sirius and James _weren't_ sitting together. Remus was missing, probably because of a full moon or something, and yes, she knew, and Peter seemed to have snagged the spot beside James. They were deep in discussion about something as they murmured quietly. Lily set down her bag on the floor and plopped down into the seat.

"Hey, sorry I couldn't stop and chat earlier." Lily breathed quietly towards Sirius, still trying to get her full breath back. He smirked.

"No problem, Miss Lily." Sirius replied, still smirking. Merlin, that smirk was annoying.

"So... Why are you sitting here with me, and not with James?" Lily asked, still not coming to a conclusion about the situation, and still rather confused.

"First of all, I know you don't particularly like Peter, and I didn't want to have to subject you to that," Sirius paused as Lily smiled and murmured her thanks, "and also, because I wanted to see how you were. I mean, you seemed pretty upset about your sis and James kissing the other day, and then after their date..." Sirius trailed off, looking awkward. "Oh! And the fact that today I witnessed the unbelievable, ready for this shocker?" Sirius paused for dramatic effect, "Lily. Elizabeth. Evans. Late. For school. Actually late for anything would be a shock too." Sirius was smirking again, of course. Lily blushed, and let out a soft giggle.

"I don't know... Usually I only sleep late if there's something bothering me or if I'm upset, which brings me back to my sis dating James. I don't know," Lily lied, "I don't want my sister to get hurt. She tends to dive head-first into these kinds of things." Lily looked over at Sirius, who had one eyebrow raised.

"Are you sure, Lily?" Sirius asked, a slight ghost of a smile playing on his lips. Lily bit her lip, well, it was the truth. She _didn't_ want her sister to get hurt, and her sister _did_ tend to dive head first into her relationships. But, it wasn't the reason why she was so upset. Lily dropped her shoulders as she sighed.

"I can trust you, right Sirius? I mean, you're not about to go and tell the other Marauders everything that comes out of my mouth, are you?" Lily asked, needing to know the truth. If Sirius was going to tell them everything she said, she might as well just go up to James and tell him all her weaknesses right to his face. All the same, Sirius's face softened at her question.

"Do you really think I will, Lily? I mean, I'm really not all that inseparable with James anymore. In case you haven't noticed, he's kind of occupied." Sirius motioned towards James, who was currently passing notes with Peter and Emily. "And the other Marauders? Well, it wouldn't be _so_ bad if I told them, but I won't. I'm very loyal, Lily, like a dog. I won't betray you, I promise." Sirius finished off with a smirk, obviously thinking about an inside joke Lily didn't really care all that much about.

"Aww, Sirius that was really nice. And well, I've got a lot of problems in my life. I look happy to other people, same old Lily, same old perfect life with perfect friends, but in reality it's so different from what people are thinking." Lily muttered, looking down at her notes, embarrassed. Had that seriously just come out of her mouth? What was happening? Had she gone mental? She can't have just, told Sirius Black of all people that. Something so personal, and important to her, spoken with just a small prompt from someone she barely knew. She must have gone mental, she can't be thinking straight. Lily was dragged back into the conversation at the sound of Sirius' deep voice.

"Really, Lily? Oh, well, I think everyone goes through that at some point to be honest, but you just have to know that if you have your friends' support, you can get through anything. Trust me. But I won't tell any of them a thing, I promise." Sirius mimed locking his lips and throwing the key over his shoulder. "Besides, I'm going to leave that up to you." Sirius smirked, jumping up and running over to talk to Professor McGonagall before Lily could say anything.

'_Damn that Sirius Black.' _Lily thought before turning back to her Transfiguration questions. Lily had just finished the last one when the bell signalling the end of the period rang. Lily quickly turned in her class work to Professor McGonagall and started to walk out of the classroom, jumping when someone put their arm around her shoulders.

"Come on, Lil, off to Potions. Oh, _joy_." Sirius said as they walked out of the classroom and started down the corridor, Sirius taking her extra books and carrying them for her. "You know, since my best friend is occupied, and you just told me a secret, you're going to be my new best friend," Sirius tilted his head to the side for a moment, as if thoroughly thinking something over before speaking, "You know, Evans, you're alright." Sirius smirked as he looked down at her out of the corner of his eye. Lily just couldn't help smiling.

"And you know something, Black? You're alright too." Lily replied, grinning up at him as they made their way down the narrow staircase to the gray, cold dungeons.

**Well, that's the first chapter up! *celebrates* **

**I have a good feeling about this story so far.**

**Originally, I did plan to go a bit farther than where I stopped, sorry, but I just really felt that that was a good place to stop, Lily, Sirius, arm-in-arm, with their newfound friendship. ****I don't know, to me, it kind of feels like that's the marking place for the actual plot to come full into view, and the end of the beginning, even though I know I still have many, MANY pages to go.**

**So anyways, I hope you enjoyed it, and please, please, PLEASE, REVIEW!**

**Pretty please with a cherry (or sprinkles, in case you don't like cherries, or chocolate chips ****) on top? *Puppy dog eyes***

**I'LL BE YOUR BEST FRIEND! **

**Aha, sorry, I'm an immature, hyper, playful child at heart. :P But I'll still apologize for my, complete weirdness and immature sense of humour. My apologies.**

**BUT PLEASE, REVIEW. Even if it's to tell me you like peanut butter cookies, I don't care! But I would love to hear from you, and please be polite! ****Thank you!**

**Mel.**


	4. Catch Her Fall

**Mogseltof: Thanks for your review! I personally don't like peanut butter, but I love chocolate. So give me anything chocolate-y and I'll eat it. :D Here's a virtual peanut butter cookie for reviewing though! :D **

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, and not the author of the Harry Potter series. Sorry to disappoint. **

**I hope you like this next chapter, so please, read, enjoy, and R-E-V-I-E-W! :)**

_**Chapter 4 – Catch Her Fall**_

Lily, for what seemed the first time in a long time, had a fun day. She spent her classes sitting with Sirius, where they spent their time fooling around, learning more about each other, occasionally helping one another out, and, err, ignoring the weird looks they were receiving from their classmates. What? Can't two former enemies be friends? Some people have no respect.

Later, Lily would think, looking back on the day, that Black really _was_ good at distracting women, but then would shudder and beg her mind to think of something else, as it conjured up quite a nasty mental image in her head. Think puppies and rainbows, puppies and rainbows!

However, he really did distract Lily from thinking about James and Emily. He played pranks on people she didn't like (mainly Snape, Rookwood, Malfoy, Sarah Portley; a pretty girl in Ravenclaw, and Tom Stilks; a creepy boy in Hufflepuff that followed her around almost constantly), he showed her a few secret passage ways and things he had found in the school, and took her for lunch in the kitchens, where she had been told to ask for anything she wanted.

Lily had laughed as Sirius told funny stories as she ate her roast lamb dinner, and then enjoyed the time they spent just talking to one another out in a clearing by the lake after their classes had finished for the day. Sirius had actually managed to convince her to take a night off of her homework for once; Lily had been very focused on her NEWTs recently. They were coming up soon! Well, alright, not _so_ soon, but still! One can't ever be too prepared, can they? Instead Sirius asked about her life at home, what her life before Hogwarts had been like.

Although they hadn't been friends for a long time, a few months at best and close friends only for a couple of days, they felt so right with each other. They felt safe; they felt like they could tell one another anything. And so, that was how Lily had found herself sitting on a bench next to the handsome Sirius Black, looking out over the Black Lake, watching the surface ripple as a few drops of rain hit it, telling him everything she could remember about her home life.

She told him about Petunia and her parents, told him about happy memories she can recall, and sad memories as well. She told him all about how she was worried about her parents, out there with no protection, when Voldemort and his Death Eaters were out there killing so many innocent people.

And he listened. He listened with all his heart. He sat there, on that wooden bench, studying her face, studying her eyes, watching them as they changed emotions. He listened to her sad stories, and her good ones, not saying one word, silently comforting her when she got to a touchy subject, she looked so small, so, _vulnerable_.

And the kind-hearted, sensitive person the Marauders, and only the Marauders knew, came out, shocking himself as he so badly and desperately wanted to reach out and stroke her cheek, telling her that everything was going to be okay, she was going to be alright, even though he knew in his mind that she had every right to be worried. It was a cruel, harsh, cold world out there, and looking at her, seeing this hopelessly vulnerable small girl before him, he wouldn't deny to himself that she was right.

He couldn't guarantee that anyone would come out of this war alive, and seeing her looking like this, talking about the war, well, it hit him hard. And he knew from that moment on, that he would do anything to see her come out of it alive, would do anything to keep her safe.

He stayed silent as he watched her gaze out across the lake, the trees behind it, and the mountains beyond that, until there was nothing left. Lily had climbed the mountain of troubles in her life, and she had reached her peak. Now all Sirius could do was let her fall, worrying about her yes, because he wasn't sure how her life would turn out, because as far as he could see, as far as anyone could see, there was nothing there beyond the mountain.

He just hoped that someone was there to catch her fall.

**Okay, so I bet you're kind of mad at me right now. I know, that was incredibly short, and I feel really bad, but no matter how cheesy that last part was, I mean, honestly, I was cringing and rolling my eyes as I wrote it, I can't help but put that as the end to the chapter, because although, yes, it was complete and utter **_**fluff**_**, I still felt that it had significance, it shows you how much Sirius cares, in so little time. I wanted it to be the opposite of the Sirius everyone thinks of. **

**Although, as I felt so bad for making this chapter so, **_**unbelievably**_** short, I decided that I would post two, in the time span of two days (this one and the last one), or maybe, duh duh duhhhhh, I would post three! –GASP- **

**Although I'm not sure when, as I don't want to post them all at the exact same time, where's the fun, excitement, suspense (or point!) in that?**

**So just, come back quickly. :) **

**ANYWAYS. You know the drill, REVIEW, visit my profile if you want, take my poll, blah blah blah. **

**Seriously though, I'm so upset. I've had hundreds of reads, and only 4 reviews. :( They actually make my day, for realsies. Hehe. But yeah, please review. I don't know why any of you aren't. It takes ten seconds. :( But anyway, I shan't update until I get 5 reviews! **

**I hope you enjoyed it,**

**Mel. **


	5. More Than Meets The Eye

**A/N: Hope you enjoy this chapter, I've made it quite long to make up for the previous one.**

**Disclaimer: "I won't admit to it, I won't I won't!"**

** "But it's the truth, you don't own Harry Potter!"**

** "No! I do!"**

** "If you don't admit that you don't own Harry Potter, I'll crucio you!"**

** "Eek! Okay, okay! I don't own Harry Potter! Happy?" **

_**Chapter 5 – More than Meets the Eye**_

Lily felt different after talking to Sirius. On the one hand, she felt relieved almost. Her heart was telling her that it was a good thing. It was good for her, to let everything out. And she supposed the technical part of her brain was telling her that too. It's scientifically proven, but it's not like Lily put a lot of credit to science anymore. After all, magic was supposed to be impossible, right? Although her heart felt like that, her mind was screaming at her. It was true. Lily felt like she had just been hit by a train, overwhelmed by the amount of thoughts running back and forth through her head. What had she just done? Befriending a marauder, that's one thing. That's okay. The marauders weren't that bad, actually, but befriending Sirius, that's another. But, you know, it's acceptable too, really. Sirius can be funny, and he's certainly loyal, no one can deny that. But it's on a whole different level, to do what Lily had just done. She wasn't that close to Sirius, not really, or well, she wasn't. Spilling your inner most thoughts and emotions and everything private, tends to bring people together. And boy, had Lily spilled a lot. But she couldn't take it back now. She couldn't. Besides, she wasn't even sure she wanted to. It had felt, good. Like someone still cared for her. Especially after James giving up on her and dating her sister, which gives her the idea that he really didn't care anymore, it was sort of nice. Lily ran back that train of thought and winced. Way to stab her heart and twist the knife. But then the comment about the whole Sirius situation, Lily mentally nodded, agreeing to the fact that it was nice. Nice to know that you have someone caring for you and there for you. It gave some relief, relief to the pain that Lily was still feeling. The pain that was the cause of the winces that Lily occasionally had, the flinches from the waves of heartache that suddenly consumes her, overwhelms her. For someone that didn't know how much she cared about someone, she sure cared about them a lot, Lily observed. And now she's ruined it. James could be hers right now, but she blew it. She made a mistake, or a lot of mistakes, and now she had to deal with the consequences.

Lily sighed and sank down into a soft red armchair by one of the windows in the Gryffindor common room, exhausted. She had had a very tiring day, not only was it physically exhausting, it was mentally exhausting also. That long talk she had had with Sirius out by the lake had taken a lot out of her, but she knew that although she was screaming at herself and had no idea why she had told him all of it, Lily knew that she didn't regret it. She couldn't explain why she felt so comforted when she was with Sirius, but she knew that he wouldn't breathe a word to anyone about what she said, and she felt more at ease, getting it all out of her. Lily was thinking about taking an early night as her friends practically ran over to her.

"Where, have you been all day?" Alice asked quietly. That was always scarier though. Everyone close to Alice knew that she was quiet when she was mad at someone, upset, or disappointed. Lily swore that people could yell and scream at her, but Alice's cold temper would be the worst she would endure. "I've been worried sick! I went around asking everyone if they had seen you, I went and visited the _hospital wing_! I even went up to _Severus Snape_, Lily, to ask if he's seen you! Boy, have you got a _lot_, of explaining to do!" Alice rambled on and on, Lily's other friends nodding their heads, agreeing with everything that Alice was saying.

Lily took a deep breath and cut off Alice in the middle of her speech, "I spent the day with Sirius." Lily looked up at Alice, she was scared of her reaction. Lily used to absolutely despise the Marauders, that was true, but Alice _still_ despised the Marauders, except for James of course. They were very distantly related, but everyone, absolutely _everyone_, even _remotely_ related to the Potters got together twice a year, once in the summer and once during the winter holidays, according to Alice. So she and James had grown up together, as their parents had become quite close.

"What? Lily what were you thinking – what were you doing – Sirius Black – oh, no – why – how –" Alice stuttered, not making up her mind on what she wanted to say, or ask, first.

Lily flinched, before she climbed to her feet, grabbed Alice's arm and whispered, "We should go upstairs before you make a scene." Lily dragged her across the room, smiled at Sirius, before she climbed the staircase up to the seventh year girls' dormitory. She pulled Alice through the doorway, and pushed her onto a bed, waiting for Mary and Amy to come into the room before shutting the door.

They soon did, anxious to hear what Lily was going to say, how she was actually going to explain herself, and they climbed onto their own beds. "Don't, say, a word." Lily snarled at Alice. "Sirius has changed. In Transfiguration today he showed me that he's not just another stupid idiot, and he's really sensitive and nice. We spent the day getting to know each other, because we realised that we actually got along in that Transfiguration class. He helped me out in classes, and we just talked. He's really nice, and he's my friend. And I have you to thank for it, Alice." Lily, who wasn't quite sure why she was trying so hard to defend Sirius, turned her head to look at Alice, who looked slightly put out and slightly mad. She did have a reason to be, Lily supposed. After all, they both swore that they would never be friends with Sirius Black, because in their eyes, he did seem to be the worst. It was the thing that brought them together, their hate of Sirius Black after he pranked the girls back in third year. Lily held up her hand so she could explain, "If you had actually been able to save me a seat, which I'm not blaming you for by the way since I was late to class, then I would have never talked to Sirius, so thanks, because I'm really happy that we're friends now." Lily said with a smile. Alice looked bewildered and confused now. She wasn't mad, just had a red face and something to think about. "Now if you excuse me, I'm exhausted, so I'm going to go to sleep now." And with that, Lily marched across the room, got in her pyjamas, climbed into the covers and pulled the drawings around her bed.

Lily fell asleep pretty quickly, with a smile on her face, she truly was happy that she and Sirius were friends, she felt like her life was going to be a lot better now, and she didn't know why.

The next morning found Lily Evans happily walking down to the Great Hall for breakfast. She was excited, today they were finally going to be learning about animagi in Transfiguration. She wanted to learn as much as possible, she was interested in becoming one herself, had been ever since she saw Professor McGonagall transform into a cat, and Lily wanted to talk to Professor McGonagall on the matter. But first, she had to get through the rest of her classes.

She walked through the doors to the Great Hall and sat down at the Gryffindor table. There were very few people up this early, so she sat alone. To her surprise though, within 3 minutes of her sitting down, the Marauders and Emily came into the room. Remus quickly spotted Lily, pointed her out, and they all headed over.

Sirius plopped himself down in the seat next to her, Remus on her other side, while James sat across from her, with Emily and Peter on either side of him. James quickly greeted Lily before turning to Emily and talking in a whisper. Remus bid Lily a good morning and a smile before striking up a conversation with Peter who was sat across from him. She felt someone's breath on her neck, before she heard a low voice right next to her ear.

"They're like that almost all the time, whispering to each other. It's a bit annoying really; James is supposed to be my best friend. But I have you now, don't I?" Sirius tried to make a joke out of it, but Lily turned and saw his eyes, she could see the hurt and lost look in them, no matter how well he tried to hide it.

James and Sirius were very close, Lily knew that Sirius had even moved to James's house over the summer one year, they were brothers. Lily couldn't help but feel for Sirius. It was obvious that even not having James around that much for this short time, affected Sirius. Hmm, well, they did live together. They actually spent 24/7 together, save for maybe one or two different classes.

Deciding not to comment on his lie, Lily put it aside to maybe mention later, and turned to Sirius and gave him a one armed hug.

"That's right, Sirius. You have me now." Lily smiled at him as she watched his eyes go warm again, and his real grin return to his face.

"Oi! What are you two whispering about?" Lily heard a voice call out. Both she and Sirius turned their heads in the direction the voice came from to find James looking at them suspiciously, as well as everyone else now that James had been kind enough to point them out to everyone. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Oh yeah, James, we were just planning when we would meet at the Room of Requirement to have a shag." Sirius explained with a shrug of his shoulders. God, of course everyone knew he was kidding, except James maybe, but he didn't have to be so good at lying! That was just unfair! He had everything, and now he has to be great at lying, too?

Lily shook her head slightly to get back into her current situation. She looked around the table at everyone. Remus and Peter were snickering, looking back and forth between Lily, James, and Sirius, while Emily just had a look of amusement on her face. James however, clearly didn't know that Sirius was fooling around and had a blank stare on his face, which then turned to anger, which then very quickly changed to shock.

"You _what?_" James exclaimed. He looked between Sirius and Lily, with confusion written all over his face, begging one of them to explain some more. Sirius and Lily looked at each other, smirked, and looked back at James. They weren't going to say any more. Lily just smiled knowingly at James as she got up from the table.

"Are you coming with me, Sirius? I want to talk to Professor Flitwick before class starts." Lily said with an innocent smile, before looking at Sirius. He grinned and jumped up, grabbing a piece of toast as he did. Remus and Peter seemed to think it would be funny if they, too, left and let James ponder over the conversation, and Emily, apparently thinking the same thing, jumped up with them and let Frank and Alice take her place keeping James's company.

James looked bewildered as they all left the Great Hall, snickering the whole way. Gosh, James was so gullible. As soon as the group got out of sight of James, Lily and Sirius quickly high-fived, and they all headed off to Charms.

They quickly went through a secret passageway that went almost directly to the Charms corridor, and piled into the classroom. Lily dropped her bag on a chair and walked over to where Professor Flitwick was standing on a pile of books, sorting through his lesson records, Lily assumed. Lily actually did have to talk to the professor, and quickly asked him about something coming up in the unit, and how learning the water boiling charm was going to relate to it. Lily practically absorbed what the professor said, and turned around to go back to her seat, just in time to see Frank and James walk through the door. James was still looking lost, poor thing, and was listening to Frank, who seemed to be saying something very slowly, and making some hand gestures. Hmm, James must have told him what Sirius said. Lily watched as James finally seemed to understand, he nodded his head and glanced at Sirius. He walked over and shoved his stuff under the desk next to Sirius, as Lily too took her seat. The arrangement of the desks allowed Lily to watch them and yet seem to be looking at the professor. Sirius turned and smiled at James, but his smile quickly became a pout when James elbowed him. Sirius looked confused, and said something to James. James replied, and crossed his arms, glancing moodily at Sirius, and then almost but not quite glaring at his desk. Lily half expected him to burn holes through it. He just looked so, cold. Sirius looked slightly taken aback, and looked over at Lily. He caught Lily's eyes, but just as quickly looked back at James, talking to him. James slowly nodded, and looked back to Sirius, a hint of a smile on his lips, a slight look of agreement in his eyes. Sirius grinned, and slapped a hand on James's back, before turning back to look at Lily, and winked and grinned at her. He looked sideways at James, before he pulled out his wand and muttered a spell, pointing it at his quill.

Lily turned her gaze to the professor for real this time, and started a note on the parchment already on her desk. But words appeared on it before she got the chance to write anything more than: Household Charms.

**Hey Lily. It's Sirius. Jamesie boy found out I was kidding. Took him long enough, eh? For someone so bright, he's a gullible thing, he is. He didn't take it well, actually. Couldn't believe that I would "make him believe that I would move in so quickly on something that I knew used to be his girl", breaking the marauders code or something, and forgive him for deluding himself into thinking that you were his girl. But I set him straight anyway. He found it pretty funny when I got him to look at it from my point of view, so no worries there. It was worth it though, wasn't it? I mean, the look on his face! Priceless! **

**P.S. If you want to reply just point your wand at your quill, and say "scripporta-sirius black, and then just write on a piece of parchment. To write normally, say "rectascripto".**

The writing stopped, and Lily looked up to see Sirius smiling lazily at her. She smiled back, and pulled out her wand. She muttered the spell and picked up her quill again.

_**Is this working?**_

**Yeah, it is.**

_**Hmm. I've never heard of this spell. Where did you find it?**_

**Remus found it. I don't know where, but he reads a lot of books over the holidays. He says there's nothing else to do.**

_**Oh. That's sad. Doesn't he spend time with family? **_

**Um. Yeah? Maybe? I don't know. I get the feeling his family life isn't perfect, but don't mention anything. We've all asked before and he doesn't like to talk about his family.**

_**That's weird, but back to James. He didn't take it well? And it was worth it, yes. For someone that tells so many lies and pranks people and whatever, how is he so gullible? **_

**That's the thing that confuses me, too.**

_**Hang on a second. Marauder's code? You boys all have a code? Aw, that's so, first year. **_

Lily couldn't help laughing a little, much to the confusion of her friends, and looked at Sirius to see he was slightly frazzled and embarrassed, which made Lily laugh even more.

"Miss Evans, could you mind telling me what has you disrupting my class in the middle of a lesson?" Professor Flitwick asked, disappointed in his best student.

"Oh, sorry Professor, it won't happen again." Lily stopped laughing and put on a straight face, looking guilty.

"Make sure it doesn't." Came the squeaky reply of Professor Flitwick, before he returned to his lecture on the importance and impact that household charms have had on society.

Lily looked back down at the parchment to see she had a reply.

**Don't get us caught there! Calm yourself. And shush, we made it in first year. Of course, we weren't the marauders yet, we were just a group of friends. So it was more like the boy code. Things every boy should know and follow. And we're ****men**** thank you very much. **

**But seriously, don't mention it. It's supposed to be a secret. I wasn't supposed to let it slip, so in turn, you absolutely, can't let it slip Lily.**

Lily stopped herself from laughing again. She never thought the day would come when _Sirius Black_ was telling her to calm herself. Lily snickered again when she read the "we're not boys, we're men" comment.

_**Fair enough. And I won't mention it. Apparently I'm better at keeping secrets than you are. **_

_**You're men? Since when? How have I missed so much? **_

_**...**_

_**Sorry, couldn't help myself. **_

**I'm good at keeping secrets. **

**And ha ha, you're so funny Lily. **

**Oops, James starting to get suspicious. I never take long notes, and I've got into the habit of just copying him, so I have to go. Bye! Oh, and to erase the conversation from your note, point your wand at the parchment and say "delesermo". It's different from the normal charm for erasing. **

Lily looked up and watched Sirius glance at James, before pointing his wand at the parchment, erasing the conversation, and then pointing it at his quill, and turning off the note spell. Lily was about to do the same, but then she changed her mind at the last second. She performed the spell on her quill, but carefully folded the parchment and put it in a safe place in her bag. She pulled out a new sheet of parchment, and began to take notes on the passage in her Charms textbook and what Professor Flitwick was saying.

Lily soon had a page of notes, and the class was put to work practising an alarm clock charm. Lily had mastered the spell quite quickly, and was watching her fellow classmates practise. There was a loud barking from the other side of the room, and Lily looked over to see James, Remus, and Peter laughing at Sirius's attempt of the spell. Then they made a game out of it, and soon most of the class was watching them make loud animal alarm clocks. Professor Flitwick let them for a while, but then shooed the class to get back to work.

The bell rang soon after, and the class almost didn't hear it over the loud ringing and dinging that filled the classroom almost constantly. But some boy pointed it out and then the time, and the students all gathered their stuff, and collected the slip of paper that the assignment was written on, as they filed out of the room.

"Lily Evans!" Sirius waved over to her, calling her over to a group standing by an alcove. Lily smiled and made her way through the crowd of the hallway.

"Hi Sirius, what did you want?" Lily asked with a smile, noticing now who was there. Remus, Peter, Sirius, and James, of course, they were the marauders. But under James's arm, was her sister, Emily. "Emily! Hi, how are you? You haven't been around much recently." Lily was happy to see her sister. She was. Emily was her best friend, no doubt about it. But she just, didn't enjoy having to see her sister under the arm of James Potter.

Sirius looked kind of surprised, "Don't you know? You're going to come, with us, and have fun, with us."

Emily cut in, "Hi to you too, Lils. And you don't have to come if you don't want to. Right, Sirius?"

Sirius looked confused, "Right?"

Lily laughed, "It's okay, Sirius. I'll come."

Emily smiled and walked beside her sister as they went outside. "So, Lily, how are you? I've noticed that you're spending a lot of time with Sirius." Emily glanced at her sister, and then looked back down at the ground.

"I'm okay. Not good, but not bad either. I can't really think of anything that's wrong though. So I don't know why I feel like this." Lily replied, feeling bad about lying. She could lie to her sister, but she couldn't hide emotions that well, so she always told her sister what she was feeling. Sometimes, she just, tweaked the reasons though. A small lie. A white lie. It wasn't going to hurt anyone. And if it did, it would only be herself. "As for Sirius, well, he's nice. We're friends. Kind of unexpected, but oh well."

"Oh, that's a shame. You ever need to talk, you know that you can come and find me Lils. Always. As for Sirius, I secretly think that it's great. I mean, you guys are almost complete opposites, yet I think you'll be great friends. And I think he might get a bit lonely, feel a bit abandoned, now that I'm dating James. So it's good for both of you." Emily replied, giving her sister a one armed hug.

"Oh, well, that's one way of looking at it. I just had fun with him one class. And here we are." Lily said, shrugging.

"That's a simpler way of looking at it." Emily grinned, "All I know is that you seem happier, and if something makes you happy, I'm all for it sis."

**A/N: Hey, in case you want to know how I made up the spells, here you are:**

**Scripporta – I merged together scripto, which means write, and portae which means pass**

**Rectascripto- I merged together rectus (regular) and scripto (write)**

**Delesermo – Deleo (erase) and sermo (conversation) together**

**I hope you enjoyed it, please review! I didn't really edit it that well because I'm exhausted and I really wanted to get this chapter on the website, so sorry if you see any mistakes, and please let me know in a review! Thanks!**

**I got 5 reviews last time, getting better! ;) Let's see if I can get 7 reviews! **

**Also, sorry for not updating in a while, but my trip was good. And now I'm back and inspired to write! So review and I might be inspired to write quicker!**

**Melissa :)**


	6. Memories

**A/N: Hey everyone, if there's anyone left out there, that is! I'm very sorry about the long wait. I've had such a busy and horrible life lately, and I had writer's block. :( But the new chapter is finally here, and with that, I give you, chapter 6!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, I'm not gaining anything by publishing this story, and no copyright infringement is intended.**

_**Chapter 6 - Memories**_

Lily had fun hanging out with the Marauders and her sister, goofing off down by the edge of the lake, and sitting under the trees. It was unexpected, but Lily found herself comfortable with them, and she didn't doubt that she would spend some more time with them soon.

But the time for classes came, and they all began their walk up to the old castle. Lily was feeling a little less excited for her Transfiguration lesson, but still excited all the same.

"I'm excited for this lesson. As nerdy as that makes me sound. But don't you think it would be cool to become an animagus?" Lily asked Sirius, who was walking beside her up to the castle.

"Oh yeah. I bet it would be brilliant." Sirius replied, smirking a little, like he was thinking about a private inside joke. Odd. But Lily decided to let it slide. She watched her sister and James instead, who were walking directly in front of Lily and Sirius. Lily watched her sister struggle with her bag for a minute, almost wanting to let her suffer. Let her feel some small amount of pain, just to make it almost feel more equal between them. But it was hardly any good. The difference between Lily's pain and Emily's pain was just too big, too monumental. Lily sighed and mentally cursed her love for her sister. She didn't want her sister to hurt, but Emily had done this to her. She had made her life, a misery. Lily shook herself out of it.

No. Emily hadn't done this to her. James had. It was all James's fault.

That thought made Lily feel a little better, but not much. Still, Lily reached into the pocket of her robe and felt for her wand. She felt her fingers touch it and wrapped her fingers around the handle.

But why can't her sister feel just a little bit of pain? No. It was wrong. Lily fiddled her wand in her fingers before she pulled it out and pointed it at her sister's bag.

"Levipondus," Lily said, tucking her wand away, back into her robe pocket. When Lily looked back up both her sister and James had turned around to look at her.

"Thanks Lily! Why didn't I think of that?" Emily said gratefully, happy to have the heavy weight off of her shoulder. She turned around again and carried on walking up to the castle, but Lily wasn't watching her anymore. She was watching James. He had been looking at her strangely. He continued to look at Lily with that weird look in his eyes for a few more moments before turning around and catching up with Emily easily, thanks to his long strides.

Lily watched him for a few more seconds. She watched him sling his arm around her sister, and then Lily turned her head away. She turned back to Sirius and found him talking to Remus about some Muggle Studies project they were working on. Lily wasn't taking Muggle Studies since she grew up as a muggle, so she didn't quite know anything about the topic of conversation, but still, she offered them her help if they ever needed it.

Sirius turned to her then after she had made the contribution to the conversation, "Thanks Lily. I'm sure we'll need it." But Sirius didn't turn away. Whether he saw a look in her eyes, or whether he just sensed that Lily wasn't entirely comfortable or happy, Lily didn't know, but either way, Sirius put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to his side, squeezing her shoulder. He was just letting her know that he was there.

Lily appreciated it, she did. But she still couldn't help but think about how odd it was that she was close with Sirius Black, so quickly. She definitely wasn't used to it. It didn't really happen, did it? People were usually so awkward and wary of becoming friends with other people, that it took months for people to become close. But here was Sirius, just accepting Lily straight away, welcoming her into open arms, making that close connection without even hesitating. It was times like these when she really admired Sirius Black.

Lily tuned back into reality, again, and found that not only had Sirius turned back to Remus and continued the conversation like there hadn't even been a pause, the group of the Marauders and Lily and Emily had reached the castle.

Lily barely listened to the conversation within the group as they all went on their way to the Transfiguration classroom. She was more focused on her thoughts, and the people staring at Lily as they passed her in the hallways. Lily could hear the whispers from groups of friends' conversations as they passed the Marauders and the twins.

"Are they dating?"

"Sirius and Evans? What?"

"Since when are Black and Evans close?"

"I can't believe that Lily would choose to be friends with Black, of all people..."

The Marauders and her sister, seemed to be very unaware of what people were saying. At least, most of them. Sirius seemed completely at ease, with his arm around her shoulders, talking to Peter. James was oblivious, so was Emily. But Remus, who was walking on Lily's other side, seemed very aware of not only the whispers, but what Lily was thinking. Remus nudged her with his elbow.

"It'll be alright you know. It comes with being a Marauder, I guess. Although Peter never seems to gain much attention. But the whispers will go in a few days. Probably quicker, as you and Sirius aren't actually dating. Don't worry, Lily," Remus smiled reassuringly. Lily looked back up at Remus and smiled, albeit a little uncertain about the truth behind the words. Sure, people have talked about Lily before. Quite a lot actually. It happened whenever Lily and James had an argument. They were spectacular. But usually, the complete anger and hate, mixed with people being scared of her, kept the whispers at bay. She didn't even notice the whispers until at least 24 hours after the fight. And the whispers only lasted 2 or 3 days. So it was fine. But this? This was a different kind of rumour. Before, at least Lily could be proud. She showed that she was independent, and stood up for herself. But now? This was just going against the beliefs that she had publicized greatly, that the Marauders (except Remus of course), were absolutely no good. Lily sighed, and tried to ignore the whispers surrounding her. It didn't work very well, but they were outside the Transfiguration classroom in a matter of a couple of minutes.

Professor McGonagall came striding down the corridor, past the students, and opened up the doors to the Transfiguration classroom.

Not even bothering to turn around to look at them, she quickly ushered them in and continued striding down the aisle to the front, where she wrote on the chalkboard "Animagi". The professor turned around to face the students after that.

"Take your seats, please." And with a flick of her wand, the doors to the classroom shut, as the students quickly sat down.

Lily dumped her bag under the desk as she sat down, unsurprisingly next to Sirius. She pulled out a piece of parchment from her bag, a quill and ink, and laid them out on her desk.

"Sirius, don't you think you should take some notes? Get out some parchment and a quill." Lily told him.

Sirius heaved an exaggerated sigh, "Okay, _mum_." But he did pull out a piece of parchment, his ink, and his quill and waited for Professor McGonagall to start her lecture. Lily turned back to the front, and did the same.

Professor McGonagall quickly started the lesson and dove straight into the topic of animagi. It was quite interesting, really, and Lily's thoughts about becoming an animagus were confirmed as she listened to McGonagall teach. She couldn't wait to ask the professor about becoming one after class. Lily looked over at Sirius, and then down at his notes. She frowned, he had only written a couple of sentences.

_Ordinary transfiguration of a human to an animal results in the human having an animal's brain, which can cause problems such as losing the opportunity of changing themselves back into a human, and forgetting what he or she was supposed to be doing. Animagus transformation is a highly advanced form of Transfiguration, that would allow the human to keep their brain while transforming into an animal. It is a skill that is quite rare throughout the wizarding world, and those who can manage it are called animagi. More precisely, an animagus is a witch or wizard that has the ability to transfigure himself/herself into an animal at will while retaining his/her mental powers, such as the ability to think as a human._

Lily sighed and looked at Sirius, who was leaning back in his chair with his hands behind his head, waiting for one of the marauders, James probably, to make a move in their tic-tac-toe game.

"Sirius!" Lily hissed, careful to keep her voice low. Sirius turned to look at her face.

"What, Lily?" he whispered back.

"Will you pay attention? And stop doing that with your chair, you're making me nervous!" she hissed again. He stopped leaning back on just the two back legs and smirked at her.

"Me? Sirius Black pay attention? Besides, it's not like I need to, I already know this stuff," he replied, smirking again like he had another inside joke he was thinking about. Lily narrowed her eyes at him, as she watched him make another move on the tic-tac-toe game.

"And how, pray tell, would you know this stuff? You're Sirius Black, remember? You _apparently_ don't study! Especially in advance!" Lily whispered, her face turning slightly red from the frustration but still, her lips pulled into a small smirk. Let him answer _that_. But Sirius just looked back over at her and shrugged.

"Remus," he replied easily and casually, "Besides, it's not like I can't just use his notes if I need to, or yours."

Lily made a small noise of frustration, and gave up. She turned back to the front of the class and made to take notes again, but Sirius kept on distracting her. There was something off about him, and it annoyed her how he didn't need to work for his grades, how we could just waltz through his classes and get top marks and just _sit_ there and play tic-tac-toe! Here was the Sirius Black that annoyed her, and she wasn't going to put up with it. As soon as the bell marking the end of the class went, Lily shoved her notes and quill in her bag and shot up, making her way out of the classroom quickly.

Sirius made his way over to James and Emily, smirking slightly.

"What's up with her?" James asked, his eyes following her out of the classroom. Emily too was watching Lily, a look of concern clearly on her face.

"What did you do, Black?" Emily instead asked, her eyes narrowed.

"Me? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. She's alright, she's just being studious Lily. Not to worry, I'll talk to her tonight," Sirius replied, not even bothering to watch Lily go, with a look of ease on his face. He clearly wasn't worried, but James continued to look curious, still watching Lily walk quickly down the hallway away from them. Little did he know, that Sirius was watching _him_ curiously.

Lily stormed out of the classroom with practiced ease, she could feel someone's eyes watching her walk down the corridor, but she didn't dare turn around. As soon as she turned the corner and was out of view, Lily deflated a bit. She leant against the wall and sank down a little bit, looking out into the courtyard. It's not his fault, she told herself. It really wasn't. He can't help it, and perhaps Remus makes them study a little more than she thought, perhaps it's possible that Remus did tell them all about animagi. But it was a redhead thing, Lily supposed. Or at least a Lily thing.

She knew she shouldn't jump to conclusions about things, she knew she shouldn't judge a situation too quickly, but she does it anyway. Lily was always flying off the handle at the littlest things, take James for example. Now that she didn't exactly hate him as much as she had before, she could see that there were times when he tried talking to her, when he was being perfectly nice. She just, always assumed that he was there to make her miserable, to prank her, to ask her out, and she just, assumed. And she shouldn't have, Lily knew, and perhaps if she didn't always fly off the handle, she might have seen that earlier on. She might have seen that James wasn't actually a bad guy, back when she had a chance with him. Back when her twin sister wasn't definitely in like with him.

Lily sighed and sank down the stone wall a little farther, wondering what she should do now. Sirius doesn't deserve this, she knew it, but she also knew that she was stubborn, and she didn't want to go apologize for being, well, jealous of Sirius Black. Imagine that. What has her world come to? Not hating the Marauders, being close friends with Sirius Black, and now being jealous and apologizing to Sirius Black?

This was just, too much. Lily didn't think that she could handle this right now, not all of it at once, she just couldn't. Everything she ever strongly believed in has just gone out the window, and that kind of makes you doubt yourself as a person. What else had she gotten wrong? What else had she embarrassed herself with? Why was she such a horrible person? No. She wasn't going to say sorry to Sirius. She needs some time to herself, to think things over, to figure out who _she_ was. She was going to focus on her studies, perhaps practice flying a little bit, write letters to her parents, even to Petunia, and try and reach out to Emily. She would focus on becoming an animagus-oh, no! She forgot to talk to Professor McGonagall after class!

Lily sighed again and stood up straight, fixing her uniform and her hair before readjusting the strap on her school bag. Lily walked towards the corner, ready to join the few students that were lingering about their classes when she heard her name. Lily paused for a second, and then hearing the voice, and the footsteps belonging to it getting closer, she hurriedly looked around for somewhere to hide. Ducking into the outdoor courtyard, she sat beneath the wall hoping that whoever it was wouldn't choose to stop near the window and just happen to look out and down to the ground, where she was sitting. The footsteps got closer still, and she could now make out what the person was saying. Hang on a second, Lily recognized the voice, it was Sirius! He's probably with James then, Lily reasoned.

"I just, I don't know what's up with her, to be honest. She's changed, and I don't understand it," Sirius was saying. Lily heard a thud, like a bag was dropped on the ground, and then another voice speaking, sure enough; Lily guessed correctly, it was James.

"I know. I've noticed it too; she's different around me now. She's shy, almost like she's embarrassed, you know? The only time she's any different is when she's distracted by her sister or you, she seems to forget I'm there for a second and she becomes herself again. Do you think you should try talking to her about it? I dunno, though, because it's Lily. You never know how she's going to react to something like that. Your risk, mate," James replied, another thud sounding. There was a sigh, and then Sirius spoke up again.

"I don't know, I don't want to do anything else to upset her at the moment. I don't really know what happened in Transfiguration. I didn't _do_ anything," Lily had to keep herself from snorting out loud at that, that was the whole point, wasn't it? However Sirius continued, distracting her from her train of thought, "Maybe you can talk to her, see what's up?"

No, please say no, James, please...

"I don't think that's such a good idea, mate," _Yes_, Lily thought, "I don't know if she hates me outright anymore, but still, I'd rather not risk it, thanks. I think I'm finally in the clear from her hexes, and I'd rather not be the victim of them again," James replied, and from his voice he sounded, wary. Too right he should be.

"Oh, okay then. I think I'll just let her cool down for a while then. Anyway, what about you and Emily? How's that going?" Sirius asked, changing the topic quickly. Lily could practically _see_ the smirk on his face.

"It's going well, I think. We're taking it slow, and I'm glad, I don't want to rush into this, you know? But she's really great, really. I think that I'm finally over Lily now. It's strange how different they are, huh?" Lily could practically hear the smile in his voice.

_I think that I'm finally over Lily..._ Lily didn't know that that could hurt her so much. A tear rolled silently down her cheek, and her heart felt like it was breaking, splitting in two. Lily looked up at the sky and closed her eyes, but the tears kept on leaking out.

She could remember when she was younger, when she and Petunia and Emily would go out in the garden, and play amongst the flowers, running and screaming and laughing, and how Lily would trip over a rock or get tangled up in her dress, she would fall to the ground and get mud on her clothes. She would cry, cry if she was hurt, and then just cry because she had ruined her dress with grass stains and mud and dirt, she was scared of what her mother would say when she saw her. She remembered it as if it was yesterday, the way Petunia and Emily would come and see if she was alright, the way they would try and make her feel better. They would make funny faces and do funny things, trying to get Lily to smile. It always worked, and when she didn't feel so upset, she would try and catch the tears on her face with her tongue, because she liked the salty taste to it.

And then she would be laughing, watching her sisters, and then she would get up from the ground and join them, they would play "It" or "House" and bring out their dolls. She could even remember, that one time, when they played "House", but with magic. They were witches, and they created their own magical world, they made "potions" by mixing flower petals in the mud, and cast "spells" with a stick.

Afterwards, when they were all tired and sitting amongst the flowers at the end of the garden, when Lily was picking them and putting them in her hair and then in her sisters' hair, she could remember saying that she wanted to be a real witch. That she wished there was such thing as magic, where she could cast spells and mix potions. And then Emily agreed, saying that she wished that too. They both looked to their older sister. Petunia had a stern look on her face, and he lips were shut tight. Lily remembered Petunia looking at both of the twins, and she remembered her saying that she wanted to wish for it too, that if it were all real, she would wish for it too, but that she didn't want to, she wasn't going to wish for it, and we had better not too, because it wasn't going to happen. She said it wouldn't do for us to get our hopes up; it wouldn't do for herself to get her own hopes up, because it would only hurt us more. She then got up, dusted her sundress down, and ran back to the house. It was such an old memory, but Lily could remember it well. That was because every night, when Lily went to sleep, she would think about what her sister had said, thinking she was wrong. She was young, but Lily knew that if you wanted something, you had to dream for it, you had to wish for it to happen, because otherwise, you'd never get it. Lily couldn't help but notice that Petunia always refused to play that game after that, not once.

Lily heard the footsteps and voices of Sirius and James getting further and further away, but Lily continued to sit there, the tears kept on leaking out, and her childhood memories kept on replaying over and over again behind her eyelids, reminding her of all that she had had when she was a child. Life was so much simpler then, but somewhere deep inside her mind, Lily knew that even if she could go back to how it all was, she wouldn't, not really, because although she wished the muggle world, and being a muggle, she loves magic too much, and her friends too much. Life may have been simpler back then, but it would also be emptier, and Lily may have been happier back then, but now Lily had things in her life that was worth living for, that she loved, and didn't want to let go, things that weren't in her childhood, no matter how much pain that they may cause her.

**A/N: There! I hope you liked it; it was another somewhat long one to hopefully make up for the wait? Feel free to yell and scream at me in a review, if you'd like. :) And having said that, please review! It would make my day! It could be like, a Christmas present? Please? :D**

**Also, I can't help but notice that my other stories need a bit of loving, so drop by my profile, and check them out! My, A Father's Love, story, which I published a month ago, still doesn't have ANY reviews, so it would be great if you could tell me what you think? Thanks! **

**Mel. :D**


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